The Night of what If’s!

 

 It’s always at night, isn’t it? When the house quiets and the world slips into sleep, the “what ifs” come knocking. Uninvited. Unrelenting.

What if the plan fails?

What if something goes wrong?

What if I can’t handle it?

What if it doesn’t work out …but darling-what if it does?

They creep in, dressed as concern, echoing every fear you’ve tried to bury beneath your brave face. And I—I’ve heard them, too loudly and too often. I’m tired. Tired of the fear, tired of second-guessing, tired of my own mind acting like the enemy.

I want to believe without flinching.

I want to stand in confidence, not in survival mode.

I want joy, success, safety—not as luxuries, but as birthrights.

I want to give my mother memories she will hold close, moments she’ll smile about even when I’m not watching. 

I want to create a life worth waking up to, one that speaks of healing, of returning to myself—not the broken, exhausted version, but the real one. Stronger. Braver. Whole.

And maybe, this darkness isn’t just around me. Maybe it’s in me. The soul’s nightfall. But if so, then this is not the end. This is just the night before the dawn. 

Now, I will try to sleep—with the “what ifs” gently tucked away.

Today was a long, heavy day for my mind… too many feelings drifting through like untethered clouds.

But tonight, I choose peace over panic, rest over rumination.

Tomorrow will bring its own questions—but I’ll meet them with light in my eyes.

Did something here speak to you?

Leave a comment if you feel moved, or simply sit with me in quiet.

If you’d like to walk this road with me, follow Nomadic Grandmother for new stories.

— x Elsabe