What, When, Why?

 

The when and the what—those I can tell you. It’s the why that has no answer. And honestly, I doubt we’ll ever get one. Maybe not even in heaven. I believe we’ll just rejoice, hold each other again, and move forward. That’s my hope.

April 21st, 2017.

A day etched in me forever.

The week before, my grandson—just four years old—had a stomach ache.

First doctor said constipation.

Second doctor: severe constipation, gave him an enema.

Then Friday came. We saw the pediatric surgeon. And everything changed.

“Mommy,” he said, “this isn’t constipation. This is your worst nightmare.”

Liam had cancer. Lymphoblastoma or Wilms tumor.

Then came the line we clung to:

“If you had to pick a ‘good’ cancer—this is it. It’s treatable. We’ll get through this.”

We believed him.

But we had no idea what was coming.

The first call my daughter made was to me. The details after that are mostly a blur.

I remember sitting in the car with my son—then in Grade 12—and my then-husband.

I cried for 300 kilometers straight.

I remember arriving and holding my broken daughter in my arms.

I remember “sleeping” on lounge chairs in a hospital waiting area, waiting for daylight.

I remember struggling to breathe.

At the time, I was on sick leave, recovering from a hysterectomy.

I remember praying, begging, that my body would hold up—for travel, for lifting Liam, for whatever was needed.

And it was needed. So many times.

For 10 days, I slept on a pull-out couch in the hospital room. Me, my daughter, her husband, and Liam. Cramped. Exhausted. Stretched thin. But I would give anything—anything—to be there again. To hear his little voice. His laugh. Just talking to him.

That was only the first 10 days.

Seven months followed. Seven months of pain, fear, and desperate hope.

If you want to read more about Liam and his short journey with Cancer..you can go to https://www.facebook.com/share/16d1s91Wnq/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Did something here speak to you?

Leave a comment if you feel moved, or simply sit with me in quiet.

If you’d like to walk this road with me, follow Nomadic Grandmother for new stories.

— x Elsabe