Endings That Clean the Soul

 Endings That Clean the Soul

Lately, I feel empty — and yet somehow overflowing.

The words don’t come easily, but the thoughts won’t stop.

Maybe this is what it feels like to stand in the doorway between endings and beginnings — one foot still in what was, the other stepping into what’s next.

When I started this nomadic caravan life back in June, it was all new.

The first month was good. I had to learn the wind, learn the rhythm of living simply, and learn myself again.

Then came a man who left me doubting myself more than I care to admit.

August and September were tangled months — painful and enlightening all at once.

They stripped me down, but they also showed me what still stands strong.

October was messy and necessary.

I lived with my daughters, worked, found my feet again, and quietly rebuilt my confidence piece by piece.

And now, as the last day of October arrived, something whispered that it was time for a clean beginning.

Yesterday, we went to our first ever sunset yoga session.

We almost cancelled — thunder, rain, cold wind, the kind of weather that makes you want to stay safe and warm at home.

But we went. And I am so grateful we did.

Before class, we each picked a mantra card.

Mine said:

“I connect to the wisdom that is always in me.

I rely on myself for the right answers.

Wisdom.”

It was perfect for where I am in my life.

No more searching outside myself for direction.

No more doubting my voice.

I trust myself.

I trust my intuition.

I trust the quiet knowing inside me.

My word for the class was renew — because that is where I am now.

Not rebuilding the old.

Not fixing broken pieces.

Just renewing my life and myself.

Tomorrow, my caravan is being set up again.

Two months of solo camping.

It is exciting and scary at the same time, but backing down or walking out is not an option.

I am doing this.

I will embrace every day, take everything in, and enjoy every moment.

And today, the 1st of November, I took a near polar plunge — a swim in an icy cold pool.

It shocked my body, woke my spirit, and felt like a baptism into my new beginning.

Cold. Wild. Alive.

I loved it.

A new month.

A new life.

A new me.

Not because someone rescued me.

Not because life became easier.

But because I finally trust myself.

Sometimes, endings don’t break the soul.

Sometimes, endings clean it.